So, here we are, August 2014; 7 months down and 5 more to go. In some ways I can't believe the year is already half way through. Then again, there is a large part of me that can't believe it's only half way done. In my debut post back in Feb I touched on my feelings about the long distance aspect of this year between Dorian and myself. Since I now have an additional 5 months under my belt I thought I would revisit this subject. Dorian and I are often questioned about how our relationship is holding up through all this time apart. Every time someone asks me, I pause to really think about it. Most of the time I respond by describing how strong our relationship has become because of the distance and how much we've really learned about each other, but on occasion I do have that gut wrenching feeling that someone can only feel when they miss someone they love. It's really tough sometimes. Truthfully, this week has been one of those weeks where this feeling has been pretty strong. I don't know if it's because I've had a pretty intense week with work so my emotions are already escalated, or if my crazy travel schedule is finally wearing me down. Whatever it is, I simply miss him.
But I guess, in a way, that's part of the beauty of it all, isn't it? There is a great amount of appreciation you gain for someone when you don't have access to them on a daily basis. Not to get too cliche, but there is so much truth to the saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone". I'm fortunate in that this separation is only temporary, but it does get me thinking about those who have to struggle through longer or even permanent separation from their loved ones (and by loved ones, this is not exclusive to partner relationships). In particular, I think about those military spouses who have to spend months, sometimes years, away from their families. I've grown a huge respect for this sacrifice they make, which I really didn't give much consideration prior to this year. I also think about those who lose their loved ones. When I read the statement from Susan Schneider in response to the untimely death of her husband, Robin Williams, my heart ached. "This morning, I lost my husband and my best friend..." I cannot begin to imagine. I think we can sometimes diminish the intensity of this kind of loss, especially when it comes to the elderly. I remember when my grandfather passed and the effect it had on my grandmother. My grandmother was in relatively good health and yet it was only a few months later that she passed. I swear it was from a broken heart. Anyway, not to get all melancholy on everyone, but these have just been my thoughts this past week.
All that said, I really do think this year is making my relationship with Dorian stronger every single day. I am so proud of all that he has accomplished and I am so inspired by all he is learning about the world and its beauty. So, if I had to make the decision again knowing what I know now? Absolutely... Let's just say that I'll be pretty darn happy when he crosses that "finish line" on Dec 31.
In the meantime, go hug the one you love. ...and maybe listen to fewer love songs on Delilah radio (note to self). :)
I miss you, D.